Some actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.

I have been scared silly too much lately.

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feats on some butt of the giant lizard person.

I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.

Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!