-
You have the bladder capacity of five
people.
-
You have ever restrained someone and it
was not a sexual experience.
-
You believe that 25% of people are a
waste of protoplasm.
-
Your idea of a good time is a robbery at
shift change.
-
You call for a CCH on anyone that is
friendly toward you.
-
You think it is perfectly normal to
discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.
-
You can identify a negative "tattoo to
tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.
-
You find humor in other people's
stupidity.
-
You believe in the aerial spraying of
Prozac.
-
You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and
75% of what you see.
-
You have your weekends off planned for a
year in advance.
-
You believe that a "shallow gene pool"
should be grounds for an arrest.
-
You believe that the Government should
require a permit to reproduce.
-
You believe that unspeakable evils will
befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around
here".
-
You refer to your nightstick as your
"Dork Slayer".
-
You believe that chocolate is a food
group.
-
You take it as a compliment when someone
calls you a prick.
-
You have wanted to hold a seminar on
"Suicide, getting it right the first time.,
-
You believe that "too stupid to live"
should be a valid jury verdict.
-
You have had to put a complainant on
hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.
-
You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a
Ryder truck to a particular bar.
-
You believe the dispatcher is possessed.
-
You think caffeine should be available
in I.V. form.
-
You're not referring to food when you
mention vegetables.
-
You believe that the holding cell should
come with a Valium salt lick.
-
You have heard: "I have no idea how that
got there," on more than a few occasions.
-
You suddenly realize one night that you
are patrolling the Twilight Zone.
-
You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC.
-
You have learned a lot about paranoia,
simply by following random cars around in your patrol
car.
-
You believe that it is a "good" death
only if it involves overtime.
