12 Things You'd Never Hear Your Mother Say

12. "...and that's when I bitch-slapped the cop, grabbed his gun, and busted a cap in his sorry ass."

11. "It's okay to say 'I love you' if you just want sex. Trust me...girls understand that."

10. "How was your date, son? Did you nail her?"

9. "It's hot outdoors... why don't you two play that 'running around inside with scissors' game?"

8. "Oh, no! Not ANOTHER friggin' grandchild!"

7. "I hear that nice Mr. Condit is single."

6. "I am through judging everybody and everything."

5. "Not only can you go swimming right after dinner... you get to eat dessert in the pool, too!"

4. "Have you ever noticed what an incredible rip-off the flower delivery industry is?"

3. "Whoa -- get a load of the rack on that babe!"

2. "That state trooper can kick the trunk lid all he wants, we're not stopping until Mexico."

and the Number 1 Thing You'd Never Hear Your Mother (or ANY woman) Say... . "You're right. I'm wrong."