What Men Really Mean

"It's a guy thing"

Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"Can I help with dinner?"

Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"I'm going fishing"

Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Uh huh, sure honey," or, "Yes, dear."

Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain"

Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."

"I was listening to you. It's just . . . I have lots of things on my mind."

Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"

"Take a break honey, you're working too hard".

Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"You know how bad my memory is."

Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."

"I dunno . . . i was just thinking about you, and I got you these roses. . ."

Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

"I've got my reasons for what I'm doing".

Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."

"I can't find it."

Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"

Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."

Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.