Five Of The Worst

Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent says "Sean, I've got you a job, starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish". Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish? but I don't even have a racket."

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted," Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied," I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."  "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

I couldn't believe it when I heard the news. Arthur Hokey, the man who wrote the world-famous "Hokey Pokey" died peacefully in his sleep last night. The funeral was this morning, and it lasted for over 3 hours. It took so long because they put his right foot in, then they took his right foot out, they put his left foot in, they took his left foot out....