'Classic' Quickies

Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme They sent me Diana Ross.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Sky TV have just won the rights to screen the first World Origami Championships from Tokyo. Unfortunately it's only available on Paper View.

There once was this Wizard who, every time he cast a new spell, had the feeling that he might have cast the spell before. I guess you could say that he had a vague sense of dejavoodo!

I said to my friend "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then." I said  "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest."

I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it." They said "Those are pickled onions".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on TV but I'm no Dean Martin."

So I called the phone company and said "I want to report a nuisance caller." The guy who answered said "Not you again."

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a mussel.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive."